I can sit here and tell you its hell, because in many ways it can be with the constant burning you feel all over your body. I will share that Amazing Grace always makes me cry, because I once was blind and now I see but think of what I just said. To go from being able to see nothing but black, especially while you are serving in Afghanistan, to go home back to Germany and regain my vision and see again, not just literally but emotionally is life changing. I will tell you that it will get better, because somehow it kinda does!
Life didn't get better right away, don't get me wrong, life is not a fairy tale, but I'm still here and I like to think a little better. When life literally knocked me down to my knees, I eventually gave in and started to pray and when MS decided to not let me out of bed for a week, I had the most sincere conversation with God. Again, I'm not throwing religion your way, we all find Him when the time is right, but He found me and sometimes these blogs end up about him.
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI got to know you right after you got back from being in Afghanistan, I never did get to deploy. All I knew is that you lost your vision, we got to go shopping together at one of the stores in downtown Darmstadt and went on a cruise in our outfits and that's about all the interaction we got. Yet still we decided we were twins, from the opposite sides of the world. You were born in USA, I was born in Ukraine. Somehow we thought we resembled each other. It's been years now, I somehow found you on the net, and we still talk online and on the phone rarely, and we now know what little dysfunctions connect us in our life now. Years later... But we still feel like we are closer than ever even without seeing each other for almost 10 years. That means something. How I wish to just hug you and see you. You were only an acquaintance before to me (at least that's what I thought when you left Germany and I left Germany), but now you are my twin and a best friend.
To get back to your blog, I do ask God for a lot in my life too, and once i a while I look back at my diary or remember my prayer and think I did ask God for this and it did come true, but a lot of the times I ask and ask God for things and nothing changes. I tend to remember that prayers don't help, I find myself praying when I'm desperate and crying. But sometimes, I look back and I think I should thank God, because this is exactly what I asked for. It's better than what I asked for.
God knows best as they say....