Merry Christmas

"Somewhere over the Rainbow" is where you'll find me today among this world of ice and snow!  It's a great day today, on what my white husband calls "the brown baby Jesus birthday lol (he's allowed to say that because Mexicans do start celebrating today and presents are not opened until midnight and yes kids are still awake, of course they are still awake, because every child has a job to do with tamales, and then the songs because we all sing sit around and watch every person take  their turn on the mike :)...remember my Shakira Anger sister???  Gosh how much fun we had!  Everyone should spend their holidays with Italian Mambo or some salsa and trust me, the hips will move!!! 

I am forever use to putting myself use first on my Christmas list (not selfish I swear, I'm just that picky and although I never had the heart to return anything, I did have a closet full of Christmas presents that I never used).  So, I had been wondering all this week what I wanted to treat myself to, on this year where I have learned to be cheap and I knew ONLY that I wanted either a smaller diner of turkey OR switch it up and try some  buffalo....I chose buffalo and I don't regret it because it was so freaking good!!!  And now I'm shopping for some green contacts, BECAUSE I will forever be upset that my dad's beautiful green eyes used on my older brother because they would look so much prettier on me (sorry bro, love you so much!!!  Don't tell Chuy, but you're my favorite!).

So while Sargie (who Britt has now nicknamed Teddy Roosevelt because he's getting his big mustache back) has been dragging me around the freaking ice (I have the bruises to prove it!) I finally fell on my ass and just stayed right there...it didn't hurt and the ice wasn't burning, so although Sargie TRIED helping me get up with his huge nose and got no where, I didn't mind it and later regretted that I didn't make a snow angel (although I don't see how that's even possible seeing how it was all just ice).  But why hurry to get up???  Why not enjoy the here and now???  I was asked on Thanksgiving if I could be either Jackie Kennedy OR Aubrey Hepburn who would I pick?  That question had me so confused for so long because let's face it, those are 2 incredible women, but to be honest neither felt right, neither were me.  Jackie Kennedy I have always read about and learning about Camelot was a fairy tale to me growing up, (Marylan Monroe even more because reading her personal diaries was like reading my own, however, Jackie was all about the money, and although I understand that money makes the world go round, I don't pay it much attention.  Then there was Aubrey, whom to be honest, I didn't know anything about, BECAUSE she seemed to be all about the money too, so I sat down and watched Roman Holiday and I realized that her fashion is what I've been drawing since I realized I was good at fashion designing and in the movie, her character WAS me, the princess that just wanted to leave the castle and mingle with the commoners, and smash a chair on the "authorities" head.  But, while I feel bad for her life and she did die on what is my birthday, she still didn't feel right either, so I dropped it whole idea and then with the whole fuss of Carrie Underwood happened (love your songs, but stick to that please!)  the original was aired and I sat down and finally watched the end with adult eyes and my God!!!!  that was me!  I chose Maria!  I could see myself in Maria though, because children, although I don't have any (yet) kids adore me and I adore them, and just like Maria did, IF I thought my crush was in love with someone else, I would gladly bow out of the fight just so he could be happy.  Signing, always sing happy songs!!!  Scream them out loud, because even if you're not that good God is up there clapping for you I think!!!

So as I am finishing up this blog, tell me tell you that I finally made 2 cents!!!  Pennies, I made pennies, and I am beyond proud, however, I still only have 6 followers :(, so please whomever is reading this, don't be shy, follow me, because these blogs tend to come out of the blue, and I can only speak to myself if none else is listening.

Please be careful this CHRISTmas and look out for one another!!!  (listening to THE PRAYER by Josh Groban, and its perfect, because I am trying to guide you all  to a better place).

Merry Christmas and God bless!

Michelle Durkee

P.S.
For pet owners,  For those looking for something to do for New Years, and other fun things...enjoy!!!
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?ui=2&shva=1#inbox/14321ee0ecdd04d8

I had read the book and couldn't put it down...for those that have lost a loved one, believe Doctor Alexander, that they are in a better place!!! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JJ8LJ8HNsY

Remembering 2013

   2013?  Is it really the end of 2013?

     Since junior high I've always sat around in December and gone through all of my photo albums to in a way "relive" my life and although there was hardly anyone other than me in my pictures (if I was ever in it) just seeing the pictures always put a smile on my face because "I can't" has hardly ever come out of my mouth.  Sure, I've paid the price for it but who cares, I'm still here and every picture was a memory of "I shouldn't have, but boy was that fun!" So now here I am, 2013 and all those albums, are somewhere in my parent's house in California, where, the trash probably, if my mom wasn't fast enough to take custody of them before my dad probably just through them away for taking up space :)!
    So back to 2013, um, its been cold, specially right now.  It has been annoying because it has been routine...go to sleep, wake up, watch t.v. and hope and pray that I don't have an MS attack.  I raised my precious dog Sarge, a little spoiled, but not as spoiled as I had made my last dog....don't question me, its not my fault he fit so perfectly on my hip!  But he went from being so super annoying, to scaring the neighbors (he's very protective).  He has gone from getting tall enough to drag me around the yard and leave me all bruised, to learning how to "walk me" back to the house (you should see him, he stands so proud of himself for walking his mom very carefully back to the house.)  He still sleeps in the bed with me, BECAUSE he knows mom's legs always burn and if he's cold, just cuddle with them and he'll never need the heater!

12/17/13 (the next day)

I said that all I need was 2 years, just needed to sleep for 2 years, and that is exactly what I have been doing...a whole lot of nothing, sleep, have a relapse, go to the hospital, and sleep again.  Today, in this 10 degree weather, I have decided/ realized that I'm not tired anymore!  Tomorrow, I had already planned to go back to the gym, but NOW I know I can do that 1 hour on the elliptical!  This is it, I always said 30 was going to be a good year and with over 1 month left for that day, I know, it will be the beginning of my forever.  So lets do this, go back to college, find a good job and maybe, just maybe be the first female President of this wonderful country!  (Sorry Hilary, but thank you for paving the way!)

God Bless and thank you Jesus for never leaving my side,
Michelle

Merry Santa (part 2)

So, where were we again?

We were on her face Mrs. elf Spice.

Right, right, her face. Lets start with her lips, allow them to move as far right and as far left as it wants and lets make the eye on whatever side the lips decide to move droop down.  

Now, for the ending with a bang, lets make a brain with dysfunctional nerves that are attacked and therefore are unable to complete a command of moving an arm or leg. 

Great Mrs. elf Spice!  This present for the naughty sounds great!

NO!!!  This precious doll is only for the special super sweet people that love helping others, that go above and beyond for those around them, for those that are way stronger then you can never imagine.

And what shall we name it Mrs. elf Spice?

mmmm, My Savior because although it will look horrible and seem painful, it will touch, give everyone something to contemplate, and eventionally change everyone for the better.

Confusion

Do you ever reach a point in your life when you feel like you've gone insane???  How can your gut and your mind not agree?  Do you listen to your heart or the actual voice yelling at you???  

When did life get so confusing and why start the confusion now?  

Why are you sorry???

Since the day I received my diagnosis back in Valentines day of 2006 everyone's first words to me are I'm sorry...WHY ARE YOU SORRY???  I know it's human nature to always apologize for something that has nothing to do with you, but why?  I mean, when someone dies period, you should feel bad and you should feel sorry, because no time is the right time to pass away, but forever thing else, for everything else I believe there can be a positive side.

I can sit here and tell you its hell, because in many ways it can be with the constant burning you feel all over your body.  I will share that Amazing Grace always makes me cry, because I once was blind and now I see but think of what I just said.  To go from being able to see nothing but black, especially while you are serving in Afghanistan, to go home back to Germany and regain my vision and see again, not just literally but emotionally is life changing.  I will tell you that it will get better, because somehow it kinda does!

Life didn't get better right away, don't get me wrong, life is not a fairy tale, but I'm still here and I like to think a little better.  When life literally knocked me down to my knees, I eventually gave in and started to pray and when MS decided to not let me out of bed for a week, I had the most sincere conversation with God.  Again, I'm not throwing religion your way, we all find Him when the time is right, but He found me and sometimes these blogs end up about him.

Thanks???giving

For the last 6 years, I have said thank you for having come down with MS, but this year, this year I'm not quite sure...Did MS save me from a worse life?  The wrong path?  Should I be thankful to be retired at 29 and not have the strength to even walk my dog?

I prepared for 4 years from now!  I was going to save the weak, inspire the fearful, help everyone find the thing that they are good at, but why can't I inspire myself?  Motivate myself?  Do I truly believe all of the negative words I heard growing up?  I always told myself that I didn't need anyone, that I was confident enough to rely on myself, but I lied, I'm really not!  So what do I do now?  What do I do now that one part of my body after another just gives up?  I know I have an amazing husband, AMAZING, but I don't want to put him through the hell tat I know I am, so where do I turn and whom do I turn to???