- I once was blind and now I see (boy does that song make me cry
- I've had a stoke-like facial droop
- I've had a bad liver because of all the medication I've been on...it's fixed itself but once a damaged liver always a damaged I was told
- I can tell you only steaks, mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables, french fries and fettuccine Alfredo don't make me vomit, everything else has a good chance of coming back up
- I always miss a step going down the stairs
- In the 1st month of having MS while giving myself self-administered shots,I accidentally put my medication into a vein, collapsed and the German ER thought I was having a heart attack
- I have failed using the injections copaxone, rebiff, avonex which is not good
- My brain has so many lesions that even since the first MRI the docs have always been afraid to show it to me, and the MRI techs have always felt so sorry for me
- I've been to the ER so many times I can tell you exactly how the visit is going to go
- I've lost mobility of both my legs for a short time
- If it wasn't for my navigation system I'd probably never find home
- I've forgotten account passwords that I've used for 15 some years
- I dropped things I'm holding way too often because my hands won't grip them properly
- All top secret information I once new is now gone, I don't remember
- While I am mostly constipated, I do have moments where I accidentally poop myself (just a tiny bit though, I run to the bathroom and save myself)
- I have lost feeling in my hands and my legs (I burned one of my legs once with the curling iron and never even noticed until I started smelling burning flesh)
- I throw up everywhere, public transportation, people's yards, my living room floor, all over my car
- I miss running
- I can no longer wear heels and I hate flats
- I cry way to much and way too strong because I end up sending myself into anxiety attacks
- Anxiety attacks = severe burning on both arms, legs, and middle portion of my body with all the ant feeling to an extreme, sometimes followed by vomiting
- I lose weight all the time and I hate it!
- I bought my dog for unconditional love and the sucker loves my family more than me
- In really bad moments I start talking like a deaf person, who's talking but still can't figure out exactly how to pronounce words
- As much as I feared wheelchairs, now I can't wait to get into one! If you see me in one at the grocery store, you better move out of my way!
- I really do feel stupid now
- I have decided to give up on my dream of becoming a psychologist (which I'm great at) just to be selfish for a minute and take care of the pain...I was going to be somebody, sigh
- I feel like the worse wife in the world for having dragged Britt into this hell
- If my end were to come tomorrow, I would go with a smile because in life I've done everything I wanted to do and then some and it'd be nice for the pain to go away
Sunday, February 5, 2012
No Sugar(coating) please.
Okay, so here it is...no tears, just the painful truth...
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thinking of you. been back to your fb profile to find once again I've been axed. that's ok though because you're right friends are 'present' in our lives and I'm not so great at that. I go for a scan today to see my baby's heartbeat for the first time and need strength. You are expert and have so much of that. My first baby didn't have a heartbeat. Been a long year. A long couple of years really. Missing my sunny southern Cali home. And missing you young lady. sending love! xoxo
ReplyDeleteEmme, About your puppy, don't fret. You need a dog trained specially for you!
ReplyDeleteContact The Tower of Hope and Cathy Carilli for funding of a service dog. The Tower of Hope was founded by Cathy in memory of her husband who died in the World Trade Towers on 9/11.
You can tell her that Elaine sent you her way. She is good peeps!
I hope you will become a psychologist - as you adjust to the MS and you will - you will want a career where sitting is the norm and listening and working your own flexible hours. Clinical Psych is best and you may even specialize is helping people with MS deal with the anxiety and depression that arises from time to time throughout the disease. The best of good fortune to you!