I've sat around the last few weeks thinking, studying my life and thinking...
At 29 has life finally started just like I always wished it to be or has it ended with nothing left to do? I find myself sad, very mad, thinking and wondering how I got here, where it's all gone and was it all worth it? Will it be better? Did I...did I do enough?
On this my seventh year anniversary with MS I find myself unable to work because of my health but blessed making enough money to never complain. My husband and I own a house, like OWN a house, no mortgage, 0 debt, just a nice little house in a beautiful quiet neighborhood. That's another thing, I mean 0 debt...my 3 years with MS I went a bit wild with my spending, why not right? I felt like life had screw me over so why save? I had SEEN in the moment of my blindness that life wasn't forever, so why not? I saw a little more of the world, bought to my heart's content never worrying about saving and now here I am, 0 debt with the American dream minus the kids, lol.
Look, like I've said before, I was never really religious and I'm not trying to make anyone believe, but let me share with you a little something that until this year I kept to myself...our little secret...mine and God's. When I was young, sigh, hell,even when I was young, I was already miserable. Understood too much about life's bad side and didn't care to go on...I hadn't asked to come into this world so I prayed because in my lonely nights I always knew He was listening...I started asking why??? Why, why, why? Well, one day He answered. You know that voice inside your head? And no, not the one that belongs to you, the other one that you just can't explain, and no, not your multiple personality either. Anyways, He told me one night, "Wait, be strong because I have great plans for you." Sigh, every time my life took a change and headed in a new road, I always wondered if this was it, if this was what the great plan that was written out for me and time and again I was disappointed. I've been mad, bitter and mad again for so long and although I don't think that will ever fully change, this year I realized I no longer have anything to be mad about (although, that in it's self makes me mad). This is it, this is the life God promised me that night...I have an incredible husband, an annoying yet loveable dog, the best of friends, and a huge wonderful family that although I love them, I don't know many of them I feel so close to.
Although, it hurts like hell to admit that I'll never be able to finish my degree (because every time I say sure I can do it, my health takes a turn for the worst) I know my life has been wonderful. At 29, I have lived in Germany, been to England, Spain, Italy, Japan, and Mexico of course. I have bought myself a Mercedes Benz and now a house. I have at least seen my capability in psychology and have actually been able to change more than one life which is more than I ever hoped for (I would have settled for one).
Know though, that I can't stay still and I will do something with this life I've been blessed with. I will start on my own clothes line (although I'm starting with crocheting first). I will finish seeing the world with my husband...Thailand is next, then Panama, Ireland, Scotland, Peru, Venezuela...life is short, we'll see. Know that although I may no longer be running, I will never stop walking and in so many ways I already feel like I won the race!
Wishing you all a wonderful Easter, and many blessings,
Michelle
On this my seventh year anniversary with MS I find myself unable to work because of my health but blessed making enough money to never complain. My husband and I own a house, like OWN a house, no mortgage, 0 debt, just a nice little house in a beautiful quiet neighborhood. That's another thing, I mean 0 debt...my 3 years with MS I went a bit wild with my spending, why not right? I felt like life had screw me over so why save? I had SEEN in the moment of my blindness that life wasn't forever, so why not? I saw a little more of the world, bought to my heart's content never worrying about saving and now here I am, 0 debt with the American dream minus the kids, lol.
Look, like I've said before, I was never really religious and I'm not trying to make anyone believe, but let me share with you a little something that until this year I kept to myself...our little secret...mine and God's. When I was young, sigh, hell,even when I was young, I was already miserable. Understood too much about life's bad side and didn't care to go on...I hadn't asked to come into this world so I prayed because in my lonely nights I always knew He was listening...I started asking why??? Why, why, why? Well, one day He answered. You know that voice inside your head? And no, not the one that belongs to you, the other one that you just can't explain, and no, not your multiple personality either. Anyways, He told me one night, "Wait, be strong because I have great plans for you." Sigh, every time my life took a change and headed in a new road, I always wondered if this was it, if this was what the great plan that was written out for me and time and again I was disappointed. I've been mad, bitter and mad again for so long and although I don't think that will ever fully change, this year I realized I no longer have anything to be mad about (although, that in it's self makes me mad). This is it, this is the life God promised me that night...I have an incredible husband, an annoying yet loveable dog, the best of friends, and a huge wonderful family that although I love them, I don't know many of them I feel so close to.
Although, it hurts like hell to admit that I'll never be able to finish my degree (because every time I say sure I can do it, my health takes a turn for the worst) I know my life has been wonderful. At 29, I have lived in Germany, been to England, Spain, Italy, Japan, and Mexico of course. I have bought myself a Mercedes Benz and now a house. I have at least seen my capability in psychology and have actually been able to change more than one life which is more than I ever hoped for (I would have settled for one).
Know though, that I can't stay still and I will do something with this life I've been blessed with. I will start on my own clothes line (although I'm starting with crocheting first). I will finish seeing the world with my husband...Thailand is next, then Panama, Ireland, Scotland, Peru, Venezuela...life is short, we'll see. Know that although I may no longer be running, I will never stop walking and in so many ways I already feel like I won the race!
Wishing you all a wonderful Easter, and many blessings,
Michelle
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